Holy cow, Batman! Science rules. Alas I am only an eel. Four score and seven years ago I bought a silly hat on eBay and that hat has stayed with me for so long that it barely resembles what it once was. And now I must go buy a new hat for if I don't, my scalp will surely be exposed to the elements and that will cause me a great deal of distress. Now in my hat shopping era, I am testing out multiple types of linen, velvet, and so on to find the best fabric for such an enormous task.

OH MY WORD I AM A POTATO

A hard boild little thing.